Your Words Can't Harm Me
by LovePassionFruit
Summary: In the twisted high school world the bullies make sure peace and happiness are just distant dreams. Can Bella, the new student, put a stop to this infinite loop? "People might seem cold in the eyes of an onlooker but everything is not always black-and-white." ExB/AH/Rated M for dark themes
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.**

Why am I doing this? I never thought things through. Never. I just did what my mind told me. On an instant. My mind never gave me a warning though. Why wasn't I warned? I didn't exactly want this to happen, though I knew it was the right thing to do.

So, if you see a boy curled up on the floor in the middle of the cafeteria, being thrown food at, what do you do? Most people would have ran away, and most of the outcasts in the cafeteria did every time this happened. Ah, this shit happened all the time. I let out a bitter laugh.

With furious attitude I found myself marching towards the boy. _Their_ eyes moved on me. Everyone was looking at me. The audience went silent from all the "poor guy" whisperings. Yeah, only whispering. They tried to make sure that The Gang didn't hear the exact words, or else it would be themselves on the floor next time. Never rebel against The Gang. Always show your support or else you'll find yourself on the floor.

I had always been a bit of a drama queen when it comes to the scenes like this. I gave a dramatically deep and long sigh before kneeing down. I patted the boy on the back and shifted some food off his shoulders. His pitch black hair covered most of his face.

"Are you alright?" I asked, but the scared eyes behind the eyeglasses didn't respond, only stared at me. His eyes were moistured and he looked so confused. I gave him a reassuring smile and then stood up. I looked into the eyes of the most horrible people in our school.

"What is this shit?" I asked loudly. "I've been going to this school for one week. One fucking week. And yet more has happened than on my last whole year at my previous school. What is this shit!"

"Watch your words, little girl", a guy said confidently as he hopped up from a chair. He was really tall and muscular, scary as hell. But I wasn't scared. I knew he wouldn't harm me. The only kind of thing I was afraid of was when people got physical with me – violence I mean. If he was smart he wouldn't. Not at school, with all the students watching us intensely. I hesitated a little though when I saw his furious eyes, and hoped he indeed was smart enough.

Which he was. He stopped a good three metres away from me.

He glanced at the boy between us and then back at me. "Did _he_ ask for your help?" the scary boy asked me. I looked at him funny.

"No", I said, "He did not. But it doesn't take him to ask for help for me to realize that help is what he needs."

The big bully laughed out loud. "Are you not aware of what you are doing? Do you know who I am?"

"Hmm..." I said, tilting my head slightly to the side, messing with him. Making him more angry. "...No. I have no fucking idea who you might be. But let me guess... You are some fucking pathetic little punk who thinks he can do whatever he wants to. One of those who use the brawn istead of the brain. Well, in this case I understand since you've got no brain. Fucker."

Wow, way to go, me, I thought. I was being lame and what I just said was cliché but it happens when I don't plan things.

"Emmett!" some guy yelled behind the scary fucker as he took a furious step towards me. A blonde guy jogged beside him, putting an arm on his shoulder. "Leave the chick alone. She's new so let's give her a chance and maybe she'll know better next time... To not mess with us."

"A chance? Jasper, seriously. A better reminder for her not to mess with us would be a good old beat up. You in?"

I held my breath but kept my facade ice cold. This couldn't be happening. The guys were watching me intensely. I stared back at them. I was not going to give up.

They were the worst bullies in the entire world. Emmett and Jasper and their girlfriends Rosalie and Alice. The two girls weren't present now, but they were sometimes worse than the guys. They had the crulest ideas in their little heads. Their vocabulary contained words that their boyfriends probably didn't even know existed. Besides, while the boys tried to avoid using violence against girls – that was simply a rule of theirs, a little unfair though – the girls didn't hesitate with their scary long finger nails. While the boys were big and scary and wanted to beat up everyone in their way, the girls were, among the violence, typical back-stabbers who spread rumors to make others miserable.

A smile of victory appeared on my face as the guy named Emmett slowly backed down.

"This once", he hissed through clenched teeth, "this once I'll let you go. But if I ever see you intervening in my business again, you'll wish you were never born. You'll be so fucking scared for the rest of your pathetic life. You-"

"Whoa, whoa", I said putting my hands up in 'surrender'. "If you're gonna keep up that fast, I'm gonna miss the point. Didn't know you could utter that many sentences in a row."

With that I turned around, leaving the pathetic little clowns there. Even though my heart was beating like crazy, I was smiling. Maybe things would turn out to be funny here. No, bullying people wasn't funny, but what would it hurt to bully the bullies themselves? It's not like they didn't deserve it. I wouldn't mind being as low as them if only I could save some innocent minds from depression with my actions. Sometimes you just have to break the line between principle and justice.

* * *

I poured some salt in my macaroni. I was a bit of a loner. I lived alone. Paid my bills alone. Bought my food alone, ate it alone. I was alone. It's like my life didn't have a meaning. Did it have to have one, though? That was a bitter question I couldn't get out of my mind. I wasn't depressed, though, it was not it. I was just a rather normal 18-year-old girl with no place in the world. Crap, too much salt. Too many thoughts.

The TV was on. I don't know why I owned one – honestly, I hated it. TV shows get me distracted which is good, but too soon the commercial breaks are on and I'm left to wonder why I bother. I hated commercials. As I lied on the couch I recalled the afternoon's episode at school. That big bully gave me a headache with his stupid attitude.

It always annoyed me how I wasn't able to knock some sense into people. But then again, my opinions are my own and nobody else's. There had been a person in my life who really got me thinking about those things... About respecting other people's thoughts and feelings... But how could I respect them when it was clear that what the person was doing is wrong? If what you're doing hurts other people, isn't it always wrong from an objective point of view?

* * *

Tuesday. I liked Tuesdays. They were my second favourite days of week. Mondays were my favourites. Mondays were like a new start and Tuesdays were just... cool. I had gotten out of bed at 6 and taken a short cold shower. It was always so refreshing to take a cold shower. I had always liked my water cold. As a kid everyone would always joke about it. I didn't mind. I felt swoony in hot water.

I drank my coffee while watching Phineas and Ferb. School wouldn't start in two hours, so I had a plenty of time to dry my hair and just relax. I felt my heart start beating faster every time I thought of school and the bullies and the bullied. I was going to be strong enough to face them. I had nothing to lose. Reputation – no. Nothing. Yesterday, the lesson after the lunch break, I had had calculus class. Alice Brandon had decided to take the seat next to me. Obviously, she hadn't heard that I was already some sort of an enemy of her gang's.

"So, you're new here?" she had asked while looking down at me. Wow, it had took her a week to realize that. She had that expression on her face as if she didn't know whether she was looking at a pile of crap or something enchanting. Like she was having an inner fight, a big decicion whether or not to like the new girl.

"Yeah, I am", I had said in a lame tone, trying to convey a message. She gave a little snorting sound.

"Okey, well, you're obviously the kind with a bad attitude that needs to be polished. Jess, hey, Jess!" she yelled at somebody. A girl ran there from the other side of the class like a dog who was returning the stick the owner had thrown for her.

"Yes, Ali?" she said with a sweet smile that turned into a grimace when she looked at me. "Who's this?"

"My new friend", Alice said. "You are no more my personal assistant. This girl here has taken your place." She turned to me, "We just need to polish you, new girl, and you'll do fine."

The Jessica girl's face fell in shock. She looked completely taken a-back, poor girl. "But, but, not her! Did you not hear what happened in the cafeteria today?"

"Yeah!" some guy yelled from the back of the class. "The new girl totally pissed Emmett off!"

That caught Alice's attention. She turned to the boy who had said it. "Excuse me?" Alice said sweetly. "Could you _please_ repeat that?"

"That new girl totally insulted Emmett and Jasper in the cafeteria", the boy said, pointing at me, with a tone as if waiting for a reward for telling that. Alice turned straight to Jessica.

"Is that so?" she asked calmly. Jessica was nodding furiously.

"She was like, totally unrespecting!"

"Shut up", Alice said with a sweet tone, "You dumb hoe. Don't talk like you know everything. Geez, the manners", she continued and gave me a significant glance, trying to insult the girl. "Everyone!" Alice yelled and the whole class froze. "This mornig Jessica Stanley told she slept with three different guys last night. One of them was Mike Newton. What a hoe, right?"

Everybody in the class immediately gave Jessica the ugliest look, as if what Alice said was the absolute truth. Jessica looked very confused and opened her mouth to say something, but Alice beat her.

"And we don't like hoes like Jessica Stanley. We all know Newton goes out with Lauren. Lauren, who is a dear friend of mine." Alice giggled at that last part, turned to me and with a dumb expression mouthed to me "as-fucking-if".

Jessica looked like she was about to cry. There was a fuss among some girls in the corner. Alice threw them a dirty look and continued her speech.

"You all agree that you don't want to mess with me. I don't care what you do with _her_ but just take her out of my sight. The bitch disgusts me."

Three girls marched to Jess and grabbed her by the shoulders in a violent manner. I gasped a little. What was Alice trying to prove?

"No, wait!" Jessica screamed. "What the hell! Alice!"

Alice stared at them with a stupid, satisfied smirk on her face until they were out the door. I sat there in silence.

"Now, new girl", Alice said as she turned back to me, her eyes holding such malice and evilness I was a little stunned. "That kind of shit happens if you don't start respecting me." She came a little closer to me and whispered in my ear: "You are umbelievably stupid. I don't know what has happened, but I will. And trust me, you'll pay for it. I rule this school. And I get anything I want. Everybody obeys me. _Everybody_."

Then she turned back and stared straight at the board with a blank expression, and didn't say anything else for the rest of the class.

I finished my coffee. The punishment Jessica had faced was just a warning to me. Alice tried to maintain her position as the queen. Did she think of me as some sort of a threat? Ridiculous. I shut off the TV and laid my head on the small pillow. I can do this, I told myself. I'll be strong.

I hopped out of the bus at the school's stop sign. I decided to get the nervousness out of my system right there and now. I took a deep breath and thought of happy things. They made me relax. It was nice how I could manipulate myself with simply "changing the topic". I thought of my family as I made my way down to the school building.

There were students everywhere. Every now and then someone would notice my presence and create a small fuss in the group they were in. I walked over to a bench in the school yard that was a little far away from where most people were. It was a nice sunny morning, not too hot, so being outside was fine. That's what others seemed to think too, obviously. I saw Jessica Stanley talking to some boy near the bench I had decided to sit on. She seemed pissed off and the boy seemed alarmed. He glanced to different directions as if to make sure nobody saw them. Ha, good luck with that, since he had already failed because I sure was there. Watching their conversation.

I couldn't quite make out what they were talking about but as soon as Jessica notied me she marched over to me. My heart skipped a beat. I didn't like girls when they were in pissed-off mood.

"Hey, you!" she said angrily. There was nobody else there to see us but the boy of course. He was standing on the background a little awkwardly, almost looking like he might as well just run off.

"What?" I asked. Jessica stood right in front of me.

"You will fucking regret this. You completely ruined my life."

"Wow", I laughed. "Ruined your life? I didn't do anything."

"Stop pretending. You are totally trying to please Alice at my expense. Like, I'm out and you're in, is that what you think?" She was losing it. I almost got mad but something about her caught my attention.

"Jessica... Is that a scratch in your arm? How did you get it?" I whispered. Now I almost felt sorry for her, though it might as well have been her own stupidity coming back to her for doing whatever Alice told her. Jessica covered the wound with her hand.

"None of your business", she spat and gave me a really ugly look. "And if Alice won't make me her friend again, you'll pay."

And so she marched back to the boy who looked like he was about to pee in his pants. "She was never your friend anyway", I muttered to myself. How could she be so blind? Alice was only using her. Or was it so important to be friends with the "important" people? I never understood it.

The bell rang and I went straight to my first class, literature. I liked the subject though I was never much of a reader. I did enjoy reading but lately I had lost the ability of concentration, but whenever I was forced to read a book for school it was easy. I had long lost my own imagination but I could do it for school. I headed straight to the backrow in class.

I was happy to see an empty seat that had other empty seats next to it, too, so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone right now. I wanted to think. What was I going to do about Jessica? Should I go talk to Alice? Well, no, I shouldn't. She seemed like the lunatic type that wouldn't listen to anyone.

"Okay, class", the teacher said as he stepped in. "Today I'll be glad to tell you that we'll be starting a long-term project. I have divided you into groups of three. And no, no, Lauren, sit back down, I have already formed the groups!"

A blonde girl gave a loud snort.

"The idea is that you'll be making film adaptions. With your group you will be writing the script and making sure you stick to the schedule. We well be cooperating with drama class and they will be your actors. Remember: you are the directors, the bosses, and you can have the actors do it the way you want."

The Lauren girl eyed the teacher sceptically with her arms crossed.

"Okay. Let's see..."

Hmm... A group project. As a new student I was kind of hoping he'd forgotten about me, maybe I didn't exist in his list of the groups or something... I could easily write essays or suchs. Just as long as I didn't have to work with these weirdos. And to avoid harming innocent people... If I was seen with anyone, I was sure Alice would make them suffer. I wasn't her favourite person, I guess. Though, then again, why would I stop doing the things I want just because someone doesn't like me?

"And the last group... James Palmer, _Isabella Swan_, Angela Weber."

Crap.

"I'm really excited about this project", bla bla bla, "You'll be making film adaptions of these famous short stories", bla bla bla...

Great. Great. Great. Acting. Group work. Shit.

"...Yes. Great. Now I see everybody's not here, though... Ahh, yes, now I remember. Angela Weber has some personal reasons and can't attend the class for most of the time. Seeing as we have one gropu with four students, I'm going to ask one of you", Mr. Banner pointed at the members of one group, "to switch groups."

"Not fair", someone mumbled.

"Those two weirdos are gonna be fine!" someone else said, referring to me and the James Palmer boy.

"Now, now", Mr. Banner said. "Mr. Cullen. Why won't you join them?"

"What? Why me?" a boy said. I only saw the back of him but I could tell he was irritated. Lauren turned to the Cullen boy with disappointment in her eyes.

"Do I really need to explain it to you? In front of everybody?" Mr. Banner had a weird smirk on his face, a smirk of victory. The Cullen boy sighed and muttered a pathetic "fine".

Mr Banner let us start our projects right away. I saw the Cullen boy standing up and glancing around for his new group. His eyes stopped at something next to me and so he headed to me. I felt someone sitting next to me. Cullen dragged a chair from the desk in front of me and sat there, putting his elbows on my desk.

"Soo..." he started with a bored tone. "I'm stuck with one weirdo and one... weirdo."

"I'm James", the one next to me said. I turned to him and saw he was staring right at me, as if just talking to me, not to correct Cullen.

"Hi", I said. "You can call me Bella."

James was looking at me, not really smiling but not irritated either, like Cullen was. It was like he had no emotions going on at all. Cullen on the other hand seemed very uneasy.

"Look, there are some short story suggestions on the board", I pointed out, trying to make conversation. James turned his attention to the board.

"Have you guys read Snows of Kilimanjaro?" James asked tentatively.

"Hemingway", Culled huffed. "Not interested."

I smiled awkwardly at him. He glared back at me. "What's your problem, new girl? Wanna make a scene, huh?"

Realizing he was referring to yesterday's indicents my smile faded. How dare he. I shifted my position so that I was fully turned to him.

"What's your problem, blind lamb?" I said mimicing his tone. Then something caught my eye. "Wow. _A Poetics For Bullies_."

A Poetics For Bullies. The perfect match. I would fight for this one. Definitely.

"No", James said. "I think that one's a bit boring."

"I haven't read it", confessed Cullen without emotion. "But usually something that a boring person finds boring is, actually, quite awesome, so I'll vote for yes."

James glared at Cullen. The teacher then happened to walk over to us with a notepad in his hands, interrupting the little fight.

"Have you already decided the story on which you'll be working?" he asked excitedly. Before I could really say a thing Cullen cleared his throath and said: "Yes."

"Great, great... I have to admit I was afraid you might not get along", he chuckled making a little hand gesture at us. "So which one did you go for?"

"The Poetics shit", Cullen said. Inside I had to laugh. How nonchalant.

"Actually, he meant _A Poetics For Bullies_, but we-" I said but the teacher interrupted.

"What a great choice! I think you will be able to make a really interesting movie."

With that he left. Cullen was smirking satisfiedly whereas I was a little ashamed. James Palmer had said he didn't like the choise but Cullen made it look like we had already made a decision. I felt bad but inside I felt I didn't want to correct the teacher. I really liked the short story.

"Great", James said awkwardly, running his hand through his hair, if there was something to run it through. His hair was very short. "Such great team work."

"Who are you to say", Cullen laughed bitterly. "Bet you would have said everything's boring. How could we have decided anything if you're so bad at making decicions?"

"I... Whatever. Forget it. It's fine."

A couple of hours later I found myself marching toward the cafeteria nervously. I would show up, of course I would, but I was nervous. I didn't mind making a scene again but to do it every day would surely drain my energy. In the end I really did want to be left alone but I wasn't going to give up on what I had already started.

Oh, here she comes, someone whispered and some heads turned to my direction. I passed the curious faces by with a calm facade. I spotted Emmett Cullen sitting with a blonde girl, Rosalie the bully. I passed them by with my face calm. I stood in the line. I kept my bag tight to my side. Someone poked into me from behind. Stay calm.

"Oh", the female voice said. "I'm _so_ sorry."

"Well, hello, Alice", I said with a cheery tone. She smiled at me that malicious smile of hers. Rosalie the bully from Emmett's table stood up and walked over to us. She smelled of tobaccoes and perfume mixed.

"Alice", she said and I was surprised at how her voice sounded so, so beautiful and calm, low. Outside she looked like any of those bitchy real-life supermodels on whose Facebook pictures everybody commented how she, indeed, looked like a supermodel. I was a little stunned.

"Yes?" Alice said but kept her eyes on me. The line moved and I moved along and I noticed how close Alice moved to me.

"Who is she?" the bully/supermodel asked, pointing at me. I could tell she didn't really care but she only wanted Alice's attention. And that she got.

"No one. She's absolutely no one. No, wait. You know what, Rose? This is the little bitch who just yesterday insulted your boyfriend in front of everybody."

"Ah!" Rose said and now turned fully to me. I casually moved along with the line and picked up an apple. When she spoke, she spoke with low voice, dangerous voice."Well... If I were you, I'd watch my back all the time. You never know when accidents occur."

"Likewise", I smirked, though there was no double meaning behind my words. I was just messing with her. She seemed to enjoy the fact that I even responded.

"Hmm... We've got a smart-ass over here. But you'll never get far. In this school, action talks." She moved close to me like Alice, and whispered in my ear. "How did you think you could beat us? You are alone. All alone. It's impossible. A friendly advice: give up, honey." Then she turned around and walked back to Emmett.

Alice left too, and made sure to bump into me so that my food almost fell from the tray.

As if this already wasn't enough drama for one lunch break, Emmett just had to stop me when I attempted to leave after I had eaten. I was sitting all alone so he must have been stalking me, waiting for me to finish.

"You. Out. Now."

He pulled me through the crowd outside of the schoolbuilding and oh how I thought this was it, I was going to die. Outside, he let go of me by almost throwing me against the brick wall. Not to hurt, but as a gesture to convey a message.

"Wow", I said. "What's so important this time, Emmie?"

"Watch your words", he spat, his brows in an angry frown. He was breathing heavily. There was no one else around. I was going to die. "I heard all about your school project with my brother."

"Oh, yeah, such drama", I exclaimed, not sure what he was trying to say.

"I'm going to say this only once. Stay away from my brother."

"Like I'd want to be near him", I said. "But, you see, dear Emmie, that in a school project we sort of have to stick together."

He took a threatening step forward and my instincts made me press myself tighter against the wall. Death, here I come.

"Don't try anything", he hissed. "Don't try anything funny with him. You only talk to him during the project if necessary, and after it you never talk to him again. You're not one of us. You are not any different from other people, so therefore you have no right to talk to any of us."

I was quite confused at this point. What the hell was his problem?

"I don't think I understand you. Bet you don't understand what you're saying, either, since you make no sense."

"Wha-"

"And what if I talked to him? What would you do if your dear brother and I became best buddies?" I said just to piss him off, at which I definitely succeeded. He grabbed me by the collar and held his fist in the air. Today, if I was lucky enough, I was probably going home with a black eye.

"Fuck you!" he spat. He was furious, his face just inches from mine. "From now on, we're enemies. I warned you. There's no backing away anymore, you stupid bitch. Your life here is gonna be hell."

He let go of my collar and with that he left. And I didn't end up with a black eye, but with a mark of delay in biology class.

* * *

**Oh, wow! The first chapter is ready! Tell me what you think!**

**I have had this idea going on in my head. I remember starting writing this very chapter like a year ago. Maybe you won't be seeing the next chapter quite soon... :O Kidding! I can't promise million updates a week because for me, the writing process takes time sometimes. Right now it's the summer holiday and I don't have much to do – I can't even go out because of this flu. :( So yeah, I'll be writing a lot but I can't promise I'd update like once a week or anything. **

**I hope there aren't too many mistakes... My English sometimes tends to be lame... not my first tongue after all!**

**I just wanna know what you think and if I should continue sharing! :-) **


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 2.

Again I sat with Alice in calculus. I didn't really know why, though. She just sat down next to me. I felt quite uneasy there – it was as if she was keeping an eye on me. I didn't know for sure. She never talked to me, she didn't look my way. I could have easily thought I was sitting alone if only the overly sweet scent of her perfume didn't remind me of her presence.

The next couple of days passed with me having to keep my eyes open all the time. Whenever I stopped paying attention I felt the consequences right away. They tried to do their things secretly. How childish they were! Sending innocent people to harm me was too much, though. It was clear that everybody was afraid of Alice and Rosalie so they had everybody under their spell, doing anything for them, whatever they dared tell to do.

As if Rosalie and Alice's sneaky ways weren't enough, I had Emmett bitching at me all the time. The fact that Emmett was so infuriated by a girl pissed Rosalie off. She tried to make me stop whatever she thought I was doing by blackmailing me, gossiping about me and even showing up at my house one night. I had let it seem like I wasn't home, but boy did she wait for an hour or more before she left. It took all my self-control not to go and yell at her to go away. I was glad I didn't.

I considered Jasper the blonde guy a distant threat. He'd never really talked to me but every time I saw him and Alice, they both engaged in a heated discussion. Only once he came up to me, where there was no sight of Alice.

"Hey, you!" he shouted with that deep, dull voice of his."Yes?" I answered as he was near me enough. He had an intense stare, I only now realized. Those piercing blue eyes.

"Okay, I don't know what the hell you've done to Alice, but I'll tell you one time: Leave. Her. Alone."

I had to let out a bitter laugh. "Leave her alone? You're telling me to leave her alone? Whatever crap that girlfriend of yours has fed you is all bullshit. She's the one who can't seem to get enough of me."

That last part was very true. Even though she hated me with a passion she clung herself to my side at calculus class. She hated me because of who I was and because her friends hated me. But she also hated me because I had refused her, not accepting to fill Jessica's place as her bodyguard or something. All those things and still she found it necessary to waste her time on me. But wait, that's what they did on everybody: wasting their time and wasting others time, too.

"You heard me."

With that he left.

The four of them made life in school very unnerving and unpleasant. But it wasn't them that made my head full of questions. It was Emmett's brother, Edward, who was in my group in the film adaption project that made me think a lot. He was so... different. No, not less mean, but still. He rarely showed up at recesses and lunch breaks. The Gang stuck together but he was rarely there.

The bullying was something that caused defiance in me. It was a reason to get up and go to school. I wanted to do something about it. It wasn't affecting me the way Emmett and his gang wanted to and I was glad they realized it, too. I had a goal in my school life now, but there was another thing that made me willingly get out of bed in the morning: the literature project. We hadn't started off with the best attitudes so there was more challenge to me at that part, too.

"James's late", I said, tapping the table with my fingers. The library had become the place for us to meet and write the script. We had proceeded quite well despite of Edward and James's constant fights and differences. It was a nice Thursday afternoon and Edward and I were sitting at our table in the library.

3 weeks had passed from the day we started the project. Due to Edward's "busy schedule" we had only gathered a couple of times. It didn't really bother me that much but we, as in this group, had a schedule to which we had to stick, too. Edward's selfishness clearly was a problem, but there was nothing I could do about it... for now.

The first time we had seen each other after school was in this very same spot in the library. It had been me and James waiting for Edward. I had been, for some reason, very nervous. I had only once talked to him, in class the day earlier, and I was afraid we might not get along at all. James and Edward didn't. He didn't seem to get along with anybody. I feared he'd hate me like his brother and his friends did and so I'd probably be forced end up crazy for having to do the project with him.

I didn't know where we stood now, though. He didn't seem to hate me – he didn't really pay much attention to anything else but tormenting James. I didn't like it at all. The tormenting part.

At school I often thought of him. I thought I should go talk to him about his behavior with James. I didn't think it would be nice if I talked to him in James's presence, and I tried to make him talk to me after we'd be finished for the day, but he was always the first to go out the library doors. So, no chance to talk to him on free-time. I didn't know his cell phone number or his address and there was no way in hell I was going to ask anyone to give them to me. Alice? Oh, yes. Not.

But I rarely saw him at school. There was no glimpse of him during recesses and lunch breaks. And whenever I happened to spot him I either chickened out or he was with his friends or talking on the phone.

I drifted out of my thoughts when Edward sighed deeply. He was clearly very bored. Maybe he wasn't used to a not action-filled afternoon. This was the first time I was alone with him. I laughed at his boredom.

"What?" he snapped, tapping the table with his pen like I did with my fingers.

"I assume you aren't used to this quietness and peace?" I said. I took a glance around us. There were almost no other people here.

"Why would you assume that of me?" he asked, annoyed. "Everybody's always assuming things. Maybe you should just shut the hell up since you don't know anything about me."

I stared at him with blank expression. I don't know whether I had intended to be rude or not but now I regretted it. It was, after all, an illogical conclusion – I didn't know anything about him.

"That's what you seem like to me", I defended myself, not letting him know I ever regretted anything. "If you're anything like your friends, you aren't enjoying yourself right now."

He didn't respond. Silence settled down between us. He glanced at his watch, clearly annoyed his time was being wasted.

"He's very rude", he said. "For being so late."

"Hmm. You were once late, too." I didn't care to start badmouthing James with Edward. I didn't want to be like that, especially when Edward would enjoy it too much. I knew now was a good time to talk about his behavior, but I chickened out – again! I started thinking that maybe it wasn't my place, after all. _But for the sake of our group work..._

"But it is rude", he continued insistently when he noticed I wouldn't jump in with him. "I had real reasons which I don't need to explain to anybody. That idiot doesn't seem to care that we other people have other things to do than just some lame school projects."

I didn't know if he referred "we other people" to him and his friends or us: me and him. The latter made it seem like he either thought I was cool or that he really hated James. I didn't know what to think, though. It seemed nice that maybe someone here didn't hate being in my presence. Or maybe he was just bored.

I really liked this project. I was actually very excited. But the lack of Edward's interest made it feel like he wouldn't be willing to even try. I had the determined defiance of a little girl when I spoke up.

"We'll do our best with this project, no matter how busy a person you are!"

I started searching through some papers in front of me where I had listed some song suggestions for the background. Edward immediately took interest in what I was doing, though he tried to appear nonchalant.

"Any music suggestions?" I asked him without looking at him. From the corners of my eyes I saw him running his hand through his velvety hair. That hair was the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. It was light brown with a reddish shade. It wasn't just his hair that was so beautiful about him. It was sort of unfair how some got both such beautiful hair and beautiful facial features and some was lacking both. I didn't actually consider myself ugly but there was _nothing_ amazing about my features if compared to those of his... His sharp nose, his smooth, almost white skin, his long lashes and emerald green eyes, his perfectly thick eyebrows, his sharp jawline...

"Hello? Are you even listening to me?" he asked suddenly. I drifted out of my dreams and saw him. It was sort of embarrassing: I couldn't remember if I had turned to stare at him or not. He didn't seem bothered, though, so I guessed I hadn't.

"Yeah, sorry, um, what did you say?" I said in a slightly apologetic tone. He smiled and I noticed small smile wrinkles forming on the corners of his mouth. I was dying inside.

"I said", he started slowly, as if talking to a mentally challenged person, "that I really like Debussy which you have listed there."

He pointed the list with his index finger. He had such big hands, such long fingers.

Ogling at his looks had been a problem to me from the beginning. The first time we had stepped into the library and sat down to a quiet corner I had time to take a good look at him. Of course he hadn't gone unnoticed by me before: he practically shone that beautiful shine of his. Everybody noticed him. His black shirt made his skin look even whiter. He was like a ghost, or more like an angel from a movie. _"__Somebody made up, like a kid in a play with a beautiful mother and a __handsome father."_ I have read A Poetics For Bullies too many times, I tought sarcastically.

Outside he was something like a beautiful doll, or a fashion model but inside, well, not so much. His actions brought me back to earth every time I laid my eyes on him for too long. He wasn't that different from his brother when it came to anger issues and impatience, too. Last time we had been here in library, about week ago, he had stormed off over something ridiculous I happened to say aloud about him.

I knew teenage crush. I had had crushes before. The blush, the fastening heartbeat, the trembling arms. This was nothing like it. I didn't recognize I had any of those kind of feelings for him. But when I looked at him my mind was filled with dirty thoughts, which surprised me at first. I had never actually felt physical attraction like this before. He made me want to say _I want you_ instead of _I like you_.

Someone sat beside me, someone who was breathing heavily as if he had been running. James.

"Hi, Bella... Edward. Sorry for being late, there was-"

"No excuses", Edward said with venom in his voice, though I could hear some amusement there, too. "You just interrupted us discussing the project that we both are very interested in, unlike some people." He was staring at James. James sat down next to me a little warily. He put his bag on the table.

"Of course I am interested. So what is it that you have been discussing?" James said with small voice. He started searching for his paper works from his bag. I could tell he was not appreciating Edward's snarky comments.

"The music", I answered before Edward could. "We were thinking of this", I pointed at the list, "So what do you think?"

James glanced at the list. His eyes were unsure when he spoke. "I don't know? I've never heard of them."

Edward snorted that famous snort of his. His whole appearance screamed sarcasm when he smiled at James. "Ah, of course you haven't! Bet you listen to some teenage emo heavy metal with lyrics full of suicide."

He was being too mean. I couldn't possibly understand why he acted this way, did he have some needs to act this way? Did he gain his energy from bullying?

"What's your problem?" I finally snapped. Finally. "_Why_ would _you_ assume things like that?"

Edward stared back at me with cold eyes. "Because it's so obvious. He's just some angsty boy who has no good taste in music."

James was sitting quietly in the background as if he wasn't even there. I hated Edward's comments. It made me want to smack him. I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do. James still didn't say anything.

"Next issue", I said, deciding it would be best to just drop it. _And discuss it with him in private_. "Let's talk about this script, okay? You see, Edward, that this line here that you wrote isn't very convincing."

"What's wrong with it?" He snapped. "I was born a writer. Don't insult me."

"Well", I said, giving in to his joke because I wanted to ease the tension, "Take it as critique, you son of Jane Austen and Stephen King."

For thirty minutes we were writing the script. I told Edward to read the short story a couple more times because he was being a jerk. We talked about Push the bully's personality. He was a lonely boy who bullied everyone and who everyone was afraid of. Time was flying even though I was feeling quite awkward for the whole time. James was very quiet even though Edward would occasionally make a comment or two about him. He just didn't defend himself. Maybe he would some day snap, and badly. Eventually, I had to speak up. I couldn't control myself. Edward had just told James what the hell his problem was for being such a pansy.

"Maybe you should act Push's part", I said coldly. "Oh, wait, you wouldn't have to act at all since you are a bully yourself."

He seemed offended and angry when he jumped up. "Fuck you. I'm done. You fuckers stay and have fun with each other."

He stormed off, leaving me sitting there completely dumbfounded. I couldn't possibly understand how he could think he had the right to feel so offended. He was being a jerk all the time, he was _the_ jerk.

"So, Bella", James spoke for the first time in ages. I looked up at him, honestly not really caring what he wanted to say, because suddenly I felt really bad for what I had said. I hadn't intended making things difficult between us. For the sake of this project. Yeah.

"Yes?" I said, trying to sound polite. I didn't want him to think I didn't care, so I smiled a little. It encouraged him to continue.

"Why won't you ever sit next to me in calculus?" he blushed and continued. "Since, you know, we're in this project together and all. Thought if you don't want to sit next to Alice Brandon all the time..."

Next to James? In calculus? He was in my calculus class? Since when?

He seemed to take my confused silence the wrong way because suddenly he looked disappointed. I was again dumbfounded, I couldn't answer right away because I really hadn't seen him in the class. My brain was working super slowly suddenly, but I forced myself to utter out something. "Yeah, I'd like to sit next to you."

Suddenly he seemed a lot happier.

I walked home from my bus stop. Even though it was evening it was too hot. Too hot for my liking. Sweat formed on my forehead under my messy bangs. I had tied my hair up to a bun but nothing was good enough. I should seriously consider cutting all my hair off.

I found my key from the bottom of my massive bag. I had too much stuff in my bag but I was just too lazy to empty it. After a little battle with the door I got it open. I really hated doors and locks and keys and the fact that I was such a loser with those. When the door says Push, I pull and vice versa. Sometimes I stand for minutes in front of a sliding door, too confused to do anything. Note to self: avoid being alone in public places in order to prevent embarrassing yourself. And let's not talk about automatically opening doors.

I threw my bag on the sofa and walked to the kitchen. I was tired and starving. The little I had had at school today wasn't enough. I got my juice spilled and somebody made sure to accidentally pour some milk on my plate, ruining the food.

I opened the cabinet where I kept my tuna cans. I cooked myself the fabulous dinner of a poor student. I ate in the living room while watching some dumb TV show, not really concentrating on anything else but swallowing the dull food. What a fine evening.

I was lucky for owning a house. It was furnished and decorated. It looked exactly like it had looked 15 years ago when I had lived here with my parents. The TV, the couch... The hideous yellow colored kitchen cabinets, the brown curtains, the old mattress. Photos on the wall, the old-fashioned telephone. Everything was there. Untouched for 15 years. I remembered being held by my mom. She was fondling me as I lay on her lap watching cartoons. I remembered exploring the yard of our house with my dad. I was always fascinated by the berry bushes that were now dead. They died because there was no one to take care of them for 15 years.

Suddenly, like a jolt, I snapped out of a dream. I had dozed off, I realized. It was 9 PM. The TV was still on but the cartoon of my dream was replaced by some lame soap opera. The emptiness and the shallowness of the show caused a stinging feeling go through my heart. My life was empty and shallow. I didn't have a family. I didn't really have any friends, either. All I had was this house; the house from my childhood, happy childhood, until everything fell apart when I was about three years old. It's not like I remembered much about those times, but I guess memories grow sweeter with time.

I needed to find a meaning for my life. Anything. I didn't believe there was any kind of God out there unlike a friend of mine from the past believed. He often asked me what it was like not to believe. I asked him, what it was like to believe.

I needed to find the meaning from something else... From anything else.

**~ The next Day ~**

"Bella! Hi!"

Someone, whose breathless gasps I knew very well from yesterday, came running to me and stopped me with a hand gesture.

"James", I acknowledged with a nod. I wasn't very thrilled at seeing him, though I did my best to hide it. I didn't want him to think he was annoying me since he clearly got bullied a lot by The Gang. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Good morning", he said, smiling at me that somewhat creepy smile of his. I smirked at him, repeating his words. I noticed James was wearing a blue button-up shirt. I had never seen him wear blue before. Yesterday I had mentioned I liked the color blue – we had discussed the clothes the characters would wear in the play. I was sure it was just a coincidence that he was suddenly wearing blue. I was just being paranoid, because to be honest, James kind of had that effect on me: paranoia. He watched a group of students pass us by. He shifted nervously as his hand found its way to the short dark hair. His blue eyes were staring at me.

"So... How are you?" he asked. I wasn't in the mood for chitchat at all. Actually, I wasn't in the mood for chitchat _with James_. The conversations we ever had had all been very awkward. Things just didn't run smoothly with us. There weren't any sparks there. And I don't mean the romantic spark – god no – but not even that friendly spark. We had absolutely nothing in common, nothing but the dislike towards the bullies in this school – and it was the topic we never discussed anyway.

I had reached an impasse. I didn't really want him near me, but how could I turn him down? I didn't want to hurt him. Besides, I didn't really know him. Maybe he would turn out to be a great guy? But why did I feel so paranoid around him? I hated myself for that. For assuming things about him, like he was a creep or something. I didn't know him. He was just trying to be nice.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go-" He didn't get to finish for the interrupter who showed up.

"Is he harassing you?" the voice so familiar came from behind us. I didn't need to turn around to know that he was not smiling.

"I-" was my pathetic answer since I didn't really know what James was actually doing. Edward stepped very close to me but kept his cold eyes on James.

"Is there something wrong with you or why don't you seem to understand the social clues at all?" he said to James, his voice arrogant. He put a hand on my shoulder – what the hell was he doing? and I stepped away from his grasp a little confused. James took it the wrong way, or the right way, I didn't know, and smirked at Edward.

"You don't seem to understand them either."

I hadn't meant to encourage James.

"Hey, stop talking like I'm not here, okay?" I said. Neither of them listened to me.

"Look, punk. Why don't you just get the hell out of my way and go do things you pathetic little fuckers do", Edward said as he took a step forward. James shifted and backed away. Edward was, after all, bigger than him. Everything about him was intimidating. He shone intimidation just like he shone that weird beauty, mystery.

"I... I'll see you later, Bella. At calculus. I'll see you there. Bye." With that he turned around and stalked off. (He couldn't say see you at literature: We had assigned seats in literature: Lauren, the blonde girl had managed to piss the teacher off big time, so he made everyone sit where he wanted. I was sitting next to Edward much to my dislike. The teacher had noticed Edward and I didn't really talk that much so he thought it was a good thing.)

I was fuming.

"What the hell was that all about?" I yelled, causing his mouth to curve up in a smile, causing those smile-wrinkles form in the corners of his mouth again. Shit.

"I was telling James exactly what you would have told him if you weren't such a coward."

"Coward?" I asked, appalled. Along with his meanness his looks suddenly became unpleasant in my eyes. "Why are you calling me a coward?"

"He was going to ask you out, don't you understand? And you looked very uncomfortable. I knew you wouldn't turn him down because of that good nature of yours towards the pathetic people."

"So, you think I'm a coward because I didn't want him to feel bad? Gee. What's wrong with you, Cullen, seriously!"

I started walking away but he was right there by my side in an instant.

"But it is kind of cowardish. You are a weird one. You sure don't hesitate to say what you think with my friends but with pansies like James, you say nothing. Is it a hobby of yours to hurt my friends' feelings?"

My eyes enlargened. He was not being fair. "Look who's talking", I spat. "I only hurt the people who hurt others. Though, I'm pretty sure your friends are not hurt at all. Sometimes I wonder if they have hearts or not. Or you have a heart or not."

He didn't say anything. Of course he had just only defended his friends but it wasn't right. If Edward didn't see anything bad in his friends and this situation, then he must really be a crazy person. I felt nauseated just looking at him. I didn't know for sure, but maybe I was the crazy person. He was so beautiful it was becoming unpleasant just to be with him. The handsome features transformed into something scary because of his personality.

We walked there, side by side, though I had no idea why he was still following me. We were near the main doors. I hoped he'd soon spot a friend and leave. Of course we'd have literature together so it was only logical that he was there but I had no desire to walk with him.

Before I could pull open the door, someone came out of the door in a rush. In an angry rush, I'd say, the kind that made me take two steps backwards. It was Emmett with bruised knuckles – it was impossible not to notice those bloody fists.

"What the fuck," Edward whispered when Emmett flew past us without paying any attention to us. He seemed really furious, he was walking really fast. Edward's eyes followed him, precisely he was looking at those bloody fists.

"Shit", I managed to squeak out. I had a bad feeling about this.

"...It's okay", I heard someone said. I turned my head and saw two boys walking out the doors, holding a third person who had his arms on the other boys' shoulders. "We'll take you to the nurse. It's okay."

"That's Tyler", Edward said. His voice sounded distant in my ears. We just stood there, unable to move, like statues. Or rather, I stood there. To Edward, this was no news. He didn't seem to care to go after Emmett, though, and it was starting to bother me because I had no idea why he wouldn't go after his brother in a situation like this. I mean, Emmett sure was angry and maybe didn't want to speak to anyone, but showing a little concern wouldn't hurt anyone.

I didn't say anything. Edward looked almost emotionless. All the ugly his personality caused vanished away in my eyes in a second. I wondered what his and Emmett's relationship was like. They were brothers who hang out in the same group, they have the same friends, so the most obvious conclusion to which I came was that they were close to each other. But now that Edward stared in space with empty eyes instead of doing something, I started having doubts about my conclusion. They seemed nothing like brothers that are best friends.

"Um..." I started awkwardly, not quite sure what I should say to him. The whole argument between him and me seemed meaningless now. "Shall we... go? To class?"

He turned his head to me and our eyes met. There was something in his eyes, something so painful, a story he refused to tell anyone. I gasped internally, or maybe aloud, I couldn't really tell for my world was spinning under that sad stare. He cleared his throat and suddenly his eyes turned hard, and when he spoke, every inch of sadness was replaced with hatred.

"I'm not in the mood."

He turned around and walked away.

* * *

**Chapter 3 coming soon!**

**Omg. What's the matter with Edward! o_o And everybody! It's really a funny feeling, I don't know if you've experienced it, but when someone seems to be ugly inside, their good looks mean nothing. Of course Bella doesn't know Edward to have the right to judge him... Will Edward eventually turn out to be beautiful inside? And what about the bullies? I mean, everybody has a story to tell. We don't know anything about those bullies – why do they act like that? Are they beautiful inside, will they ever be?**

**If you haven't read _A Poetics For Bullies_ by Stanley Elkin, I would very much like to recommend it to you. It's an amazing short story. **


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